know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
