You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
