So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
