I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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