So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
