Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
