Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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