Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
