Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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