Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
