no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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