I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
