You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
