My brain says no but my pants say off.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
handjob tips. give me some.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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