i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
