walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
