dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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