It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
