the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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