I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
