my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Mom said you looked used
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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