i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
