Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
