Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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