Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
