i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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