You made me cry and you don't even care
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
