so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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