This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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