Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
