break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
