I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
