You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
