At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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