I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
