Just cropdusted the office
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
