nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
