Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
