she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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