Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
