To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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