You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
