I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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