the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
