Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
