I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
dude. I can hear the air.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
