She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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