How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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