white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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