so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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